How To Practice Self-Love (Even When It’s Hard)

Last weekend, I spent an entire day in the throes of self-loathing.

I wasn’t even aware that I was being so self-critical until I looked in the mirror and bam—massive breakout on my chin. A clear indicator of self-hate.

Immediately, I started repeating one of Louise Hay’s affirmations: I am a Divine expression of life. I love and accept myself where I am right now. I said it in the mirror. I said it as I climbed into bed. And I continued saying it until I fell asleep. By morning, my skin was significantly less inflamed, and a few short days later, it was almost totally clear.

I tell this story to illustrate the fact that self-love has not come easily to me. I have always been overly self-critical and self-conscious, two habits I love myself too much to entertain any longer. Every day, I get a tiny bit closer to pure and true self-love. Every obstacle in my path becomes a stepping stone to the next level.

And so it is.

As I stood in my bathroom on Sunday night, praying and affirming and drenching my face in moisturizer, the idea for this blog post came to me. Self-love seemed so elusive and so complicated when I first started practicing, but I’ve recently come to the realization that it’s really… not. As is true of so many things on the spiritual path, self-love is not hard or complex or intended for only the holiest among us. It is simple, and it is hopeful, and it is free.

Here, then, are some wonderfully easy ways to incorporate self-love into your own life (many of which you’re already doing anyway). If it seems too good to be true (or just too good for you), know this: Nothing is too good for you. God, the Universe, Infinite Intelligence, the Light of Lights—it is for you, and that is everything.

Meditate

One of my favorite ways to meditate is using the Emotional Freedom Technique, otherwise known as “tapping.” It allows you to calm your mind and body without having to sit still for a long period of time. This is huge for me. If you’re interested in learning more about tapping, be sure to check out one of my favorite resources, The Tapping Solution, or hop on over to the app store and download their free app!

Another technique I love is Meggan Watterson’s soul-voice meditation. She explains it much more clearly than I do, so if you’re interested, you can check out her work here. Her book, Mary Magdalene Revealed, changed my life.

Of course, there are countless ways to meditate. Sitting quietly and asking aloud, “What do I need to know today?” counts for just as much as a 90-minute quantum journey. There are no rules and no limits, so find what works for you and run with it.

Affirmations

Affirming your beliefs can be a great way to reset your mind and heart to the frequency of self-love. Some of my favorite affirmations are:

• The tide has turned to stay, for the Universe has right of way. (Florence Scovel Shinn)
• Today is the day of my amazing good fortune. (Florence Scovel Shinn)
• The Universal Power is in my ship. I now sail fearlessly into unknown seas. (Florence Scovel Shinn)
• A wonderful joy is on its way, and this wonderful joy comes to stay. (Florence Scovel Shinn)
• I am joyous and happy and free. (Louise Hay)
• I now receive my good from expected and unexpected sources. (Louise Hay)
• Nothing can work against me. Everything happens for me. (Fabian Wollschlager)

You can easily create your own affirmations by using “I am” or “I am becoming” statements. A good place to start is always I am love.

Practice Forgiveness

Often times, when we hold on to painful memories and stale emotions, we perpetuate that which we hate, creating a feedback loop that keeps us ensnared until we finally manage to introduce new, happier thoughts. Fortunately, there is a swift way to shut down old thoughts and emotions: forgiveness.

When we practice forgiveness, particularly self-forgiveness, we clear the air for new and exciting experiences to enter our lives. Louise Hay teaches this quick exercise in her book, You Can Heal Your Life:

Close your eyes and say aloud, “I forgive myself for __________.” Do this until you have cleared everything of which you can think.

And that’s it. I do it once a week.

Move Your Body

When we allow energy to stagnate in the body, we feel it in the form of aches and pains, as well as seemingly random anxiety and anger. Once we start lashing out at ourselves, it can be tempting to keep the wheels spinning, so if you can, try to funnel some of that excess BLEH into healthy physical activity.

I was a dancer for 15 years, so if I’m having a particularly gross day, I like to turn on some happy music and dance. It’s not about making it pretty or poised; it’s about allowing old energy to recycle and new energy to bubble up.

Another form of exercise I enjoy is yoga, which is super easy to find online, especially these days. Adriene Mishler of Yoga With Adriene recently wrapped an excellent 30-day series called BREATH, which you can still take advantage of by clicking here.

If all you’ve got is ten minutes to walk around your neighborhood—perfect. Do that. There’s nothing like sunshine and fresh air to make you feel lighter.

Sleep In

The four exercises mentioned above are all part of my morning routine, but sometimes, what my mind and body really want is sleep.

Do your best to go with the flow here. Part of self-love is becoming so gloriously self-aware that you know when it’s time to push yourself and when it’s time to rest. We suck at rest. But that just means we have something to work toward. *wink*

Tidy Up Your Space

I have been making my bed every single morning since I was… I don’t even know. Too young to care about it as much as I did. Which is to say: I don’t even think about it anymore.

There’s something about tidying up your space that clears the decks for new joy, new peace, new grace. Whether it’s the bed-making or a little desk-straightening or a full-fledged closet overhaul, cleaning out the old always invites something fresh. It’s the Law.

Eat Nourishing Foods

Back in September, my homeopath told me that I would benefit from going dairy- and gluten-free. I took this to mean that dairy and gluten are bad. I now see that this was a mistake.

When we delineate things as good or bad in this way, especially necessities such as food, we give our brains prime blackmail material.

Uh, girl, you’re not really going to eat that muffin, are you? Because muffins have gluten. A lot of gluten. Gluten is bad for you. If you eat the gluten, you’ll be bad, too.

Contrast this with a mind that says, “Ah, muffins. I could eat one, but I’ll feel a lot better if I have oatmeal instead. I think I’ll do that.”

See how non-binding that sounds?

So, when I say, “Eat nourishing foods,” I’m really saying, “Eat what makes you feel good.”

Feel Like Yourself

I feel my best when I’m put together, which can sometimes feel over the top when you work from home. Nevertheless, if my hair is clean and I make an effort to put makeup on, I can work in my pajamas and still feel like a badass.

It’s not about looking a certain way. It’s about feeling like you.

Comparing yourself to others will never, ever help you achieve self-love. Attempting to be more like someone else does not foster authenticity—quite the opposite. In trying to become more like her or him, we lose the self. Be more like YOU instead.

Make Time for Learning

When we create space for our hobbies and interests, we allow our creativity to shine. And as creative beings, our souls love this. Your highest self throws a party every time you give in to your intuition.

One of my favorite resources for learning new and interesting things is MasterClass. They offer courses on writing, meditation, fitness, gardening, and many, many others, all taught by the masters.

As Terrie Davoll Hudson puts it, “The things that excite you are not random. They are connected to your purpose. Follow them.”

Take Breaks

When you’re on a roll, you’re on a roll. But don’t forget to give yourself some space to breathe in between all the action! Stretch your legs, eat a snack, throw in a short meditation for good measure. You are fully human and fully divine. Humans need rest. Divinity needs your permission to lavish you with blessings.

Practice Gratitude

One of the quickest and most organic ways to generate self-love is to practice gratitude. Be grateful for what you have an expectant of what is to come!

Happy Valentine’s Day, friends! Love yourself first, for how we love ourselves is how we teach others to love us. xo